Do you often feel like you’re not successful enough? Sure, insecurity in relationships, work, or self-perception can lower your confidence.
Let’s explore seven expert-backed steps on how to stop being insecure and build lasting self-confidence.
Why Overcoming Insecurity Matters?
Insecurity affects more than just your confidence—it impacts your relationships, career, and overall happiness.
But here’s the positive news: insecurity is not a permanent state of mind. With these seven steps and strategies from breeze-wellbeing.com, you can learn how to be less insecure and start embracing your true worth.
Step 1. Understand the Root of Your Insecurities
The initial step in dealing with insecurity is to ascertain its source. Insecurities usually come from things that happened in the past, like being criticized as a child, having bad relationships, or feeling like you have to meet impossible standards.
For this, writing in a journal can help you find the source of your insecurity and stop being too insecure.
- When did I start feeling insecure about this?
- What specific events contributed to these feelings?
Step 2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Nowadays, if you live in the US, you have a much higher chance of using social media than not. More than 75% of Americans have some kind of social media account. [1]
Except talking with people all around the world, social media also influences our self-perception and can make you feel like you’re constantly falling short. People often refer to comparison as “the thief of joy,” and for a good reason.
However, it’s important to remember that everyone is battling their own issues, and the information you find online is often incomplete.
A study by the University of Pennsylvania found that limiting social media use to 30 minutes per day significantly reduces feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. [2]
So, following these findings, try taking a social media detox or unfollowing accounts that trigger self-doubt. Better focus on your own journey, not someone else’s highlight reel.
Step 3. Challenge Negative Self-Talk
It is common for insecurity to thrive on a cycle of negative self-talk. Statements like “I’m not smart enough” or “I always mess things up” can become self-fulfilling prophecies if left unchecked.
The catch is that most of these thoughts are not based on facts; they are skewed views of the world.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offers tools to reframe negative self-talk. CBT, as it is called, is meant to “uncover unhealthy patterns of thought and how they may be causing self-destructive behaviors and beliefs,” according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. [3]
When a negative thought arises, challenge it with evidence. Replacing these thoughts with affirmations like “I’m capable and learning every day” can reshape your internal dialogue and help you to be less insecure.
For example:
- Negative thought: “I’m terrible at my job.”
- Evidence: “I’ve received positive feedback from my boss multiple times.”
Step 4. Build Self-Compassion
When we judge ourselves too harshly, insecurities start to grow. Another way to stop being insecure is self-compassion. This is the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.
Sound easy. One of the first people to study self-compassion, Dr. Kristin Neff, says that it makes you more resilient and less anxious. [4]
Here’s a simple exercise: when you catch yourself being overly critical, pause and ask, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?”
Next time, instead of being critical, try being encouraging and supportive. This is a great way to teach your inner critic to be kinder to you gradually.
Step 5. Focus on Your Strengths
Feelings of inadequacy cause us to focus on our shortcomings and downplay our strengths. To counteract this, start by making a list of things you’re good at or qualities you’re proud of.
It might feel awkward at first, but acknowledging your strengths is a proven way to build confidence. For example, gratitude, especially for one’s own strengths, is associated with a considerable increase in self-esteem, according to research. [5]
Keep a gratitude journal and record every day what you are proud of, whether it is a little accomplishment at work, a generous act, or a new talent you are developing.
Making this a habit can help you start seeing the good in the world rather than the bad and make you less likely to ask, “How to stop being insecure”.
Step 6. Take Action and Face Your Fears
Maybe you don’t apply for that job because you’re afraid of rejection, or you shy away from social situations because you fear judgment. But avoidance only reinforces insecurity.
Psychologists recommend exposure therapy to stop being insecure. This is a method that involves gradually facing your fears to build confidence.
If you’re insecure about public speaking, try sharing your thoughts in a small meeting first. Each step you take builds evidence that you’re capable, which enable you be less insecure.
Step 7. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences
You have probably noticed that the people you hang out with change how you feel about yourself. Too negative or too critical people can make you feel even worse about your insecurities, while positive and supportive people can make you feel better.
Research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that positive social connections increase self-esteem and reduce feelings of self-doubt. [6]
So if you finding ways how to stop being insecure, you can seek out friends, mentors, or support groups that inspire confidence and make you feel valued. If certain relationships consistently bring you down, it may be time to set boundaries.
Bonus Tip: Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness can help you stay present and detach from unhelpful thoughts. A meta-analysis published found that mindfulness-based interventions reduce symptoms of anxiety and improve emotional well-being. [7]
So, when insecurity comes up, recognize it without passing judgment. For example, instead of saying, “I’m so bad at this,” you might think, “I’m feeling insecure about this right now, and that’s okay.”
